The ISFJ-INTP Relationship
Joys and Struggles

This section ISFJ-INTP relationship is about how these two personality types come together in a relationship. Specifically, we will be looking at the joys of this relationship as well as the struggles this relationship may have.

The ISFJ-INTP relationship has 1 preference similarities and 3 preference differences. Regardless of the number of similarities and differences, each personality combination will have its unique set of challenges. We will look at each of the 4 preferences individually:

Introversion-Introversion

Joys

When both parties are introverts, there is a good mutual understanding about their personal space and private time. Both partners understand the need for time alone to recharge and usually will be more than happy to give each other the space to do so.

They will probably like to spend their weekends and weeknights with only their partner, or at most with a small group of close friends.

Usually, these two will enjoy simple activities together like reading a book, watching TV or enjoying music. In these activities, talk is not necessary, and presence alone is enough. Introvert partners are the ones that claim to be comfortable which each other's silence.  

However, this joy will be amplified when both parties share a common interest. While Introverts don't appear to talk a lot, they can spend hours upon hours on a single topic if it is something that both parties are interested in. 

Struggles

However, in such a relationship, one party will have to play the extroverted role, starting the conversations and engaging the other party. While this is not an issue when both parties have a common interest (they might fight to speak!), this may become a challenge if they do not share one. This forces an introvert to have to play an extrovert even in their 'downtime.' 

After a while, the relationship become a little dry as introverts do not like to talk about topics that they have little or no interest in. In such a case., It would be good for both to find a common interest. 

There may be a challenge to find a support community as well. Both introverts may not see a need to build networks and be part of communities. Unless both belong in a community such as a church, extended family or interest group already, they may find it a challenge in times of crises, with one another to depend on. 

Sensing-Intuition

Joys

The Sensing partner enjoys the brilliance and intelligence of the Intuitive partner; the Sensing partner enjoys seeing new and different perspective to everyday issues when they engage the Intuitive in conversation. They may also be attracted to the Intuitive partner’s creativity and imagination. 

Intuitive partners, on the other hand, have their heads in the cloud most of the time. They appreciate the Sensing partner who is down-to-earth and is concerned with everyday living; someone that notices the dishes need to be done, the house needs to be cleaned, the bills need to be paid, for example. 

Although it is not true that all Intuitive partners do not care for fashion (some put a huge chunk of their attention on it!), the Sensing partner usually dresses fashionably and is well-groomed, and therefore it may be likely that the Intuitive partner is attracted by what he/she sees.

Struggles

Psychologically speaking, Sensing and Intuitive partners speak different languages and therefore they often may struggle to find a common topic. Sensing partners will enjoy talking about the everyday happenings, e.g., what happened to Aunt Mary, what went on at work today, the latest happenings on TV. These are topics that the Intuitive seldom has an interest in. 

The Intuitive is more interested in discussing ideas, trends, theories and plans. Discussing the economic situation of the country, challenging a culturally accepted idea, talking about big business ideas; these topics are the realm of the Intuitive. The Sensing is more grounded in reality and finds it hard to talk about such topics; they may unconsciously choose to move on to a more tangible topic, making the Intuitive feel unheard. 

Ultimately, the issue is whether both parties are willing to speak the other’s language. Is the Sensing partner willing to indulge the creative but sometimes abstract interest of the Intuitive? IS the Intuitive ready to engage in conversation with the Sensing partner about the more mundane but realistic happenings and concerns of life.

Thinking-Feeling

Joys

The Thinking partner will be attracted to the Feeling partner’s compassion and warmth towards others and to him. It is not natural for the Thinking partner to feel compassion or empathy, and will admire that quality in the Feeling partner. 

The Feeling partner is attracted to the tough-mindedness and objectivity of the Thinking partner. The Feeling partner sees that the Thinking partner can take and give criticism without taking offence and can be frank and straightforward when the situation calls for it.

The relationship can be well-balanced as the Thinking partner provides logical, objective analysis on decisions made in the relationship while the Feeling partner provides the people and values-centred point of view. Therefore, when making a decision, the Thinking-Feeling partnership has the potential to have the most well-rounded perspective with due consideration to all factors. 

Struggles

This mutual admiration of their differences is often a source of conflict. The straightforward or frank nature of the Thinking partners may mean their words may be cutting at times, and may hurt the Feeling partners with their directness. When hurt, the Feeling partners do not immediately speak up, but rather keep it within only to have it resurface later on. This reaction often baffles the Thinking partners, who do not understand such behaviour of the Feeling partners.

Also, Thinking partners are not as good with dealing with emotions and showing empathy. When Feeling partners share a problem with Thinking partners, the Thinking partners may react by offering a logical solution only as they are not comfortable dealing with the emotions of others. This reaction may result in the Feeling partners feeling that they have not been heard or understood. 

In general, both sides would have to be more patient and understanding of each other. The Feeling partner should learn to seek elsewhere for emotional empathy or just accept the more stoic approach of the Thinking partner, while the Thinking partner can improve by learning to listen with empathy. 

Judging-Perceiving

Joys

Judging-Perceiving relationships are commonplace as such an opposite in this case does complement both parties. Judging partners enjoy making decisions, and Perceiving partners prefer to keep their options open. As such, the Judging partners will usually end up making the daily decisions in the relationship: where to eat; where to go for the weekend, and so on.

Perceiving partners are glad that someone is making the decision for them; they appreciate the Judging partners for bringing that order and stability into their usually disorganized, unplanned and sometimes overly spontaneous life.

Judging partners, on the other hand, are also appreciative of the simple and easy-going nature of the Perceiving partners. They enjoy control and being on top of things in most aspects of their life, and they are often fascinated by how someone could live so carelessly and freely. 

Struggles

With the mutual admiration of the difference also comes the source of conflicts. Judging partners may be fascinated with the easy-going nature of the Perceiving partners; but soon will become impatient with their seeming lack of purpose or intention.

This will be especially true if the Judging partner is a female and Perceiving partner a male. Most cultures expect the male to take the lead, and their lack of purpose and intention will be viewed as passivty or laziness and hence frowned upon. The Judging partner will become frustrated with the Perceiving partner as a result.

Perceiving partners, on the other hand, may feel that Judging partners can be too overbearing and micromanaging at times, and feel stifled. Judging partners may want to decide things like where to keep certain household items, what time the family should be, and attempt to enforce these decisions on the Perceiving partners. Perceiving partners often resist this need for control from the Judging partners; in worst cases, the resistance may come in the form of a break-up.

Judging partners will do well to give some space for Perceiving partners to be their natural disorganized and spontaneous self, and Perceiving partners can accommodate by being proactive to make some of the decisions in the relationship.

This is a summary of the joys and pains of the ISFJ-INTP relationship.

However, personality dynamics are more complex than this. It does not just extend to the difference or similarity in individual preferences but goes deeper than that.

If you are interested in exploring your differences between you and your partner, please contact me for further enquiries. (Do note that the consulting services only extend to Singapore at this moment)

Return from ISFJ-INTP to Type and Relationships